Start dating after being widowed
But I felt torn between feeling very attached to his memory and also taking tentative steps toward a future without him.Widowhood also has had a strange sanctifying effect on how men perceive me.But he also helped me understand how alien and incomprehensible my situation must seem to someone who has not lived with such a loss.I've been dating for almost two years now--some guys lasted just one date, others for months at a time.Maybe it's because so many guys have called me "courageous," but as soon as I utter the word "widow," I sense I'm being seen as a living saint and that my marriage was flawless, which of course isn't true."You must have really loved him," a few men have said in awe.
In the year before Frank got sick, we'd gone through marriage counseling and even a trial separation, but there was never any question that I'd be there during his illness.
And one morning, when I left the hospice to feed our cats and make some calls, Frank died.
A chaplain led me by the hand to her office, and I sank to the floor, crying, deeply sad--and guilt-ridden--that I had not been with him at the very end.
" One recent date loved to vent about his everyday stresses--the grueling hours he logged as a music producer, the intensely competitive nature of his work--but would stop himself by saying, "I know this is nothing compared to what you've been through." Maybe he was trying to be sympathetic, but it seemed as though, in some bizarre way, he resented my situation, that in terms of our life experience, the playing field wasn't even and his problems couldn't possibly bear any weight.
Part of me wanted to shake him when he complained of routine problems, to make him put things in perspective.